Healing Isn’t Perfect: Learning to Catch Yourself with Compassion

Healing is often described as a journey, but the truth is—it’s not a straight road. There are seasons when we feel steady, strong, and proud of the growth we’ve made. We set boundaries. We carefully choose who gets access to us. We feel more rooted in who we are becoming.

And then, loneliness sneaks in.

Healing can feel lonely—not just because of the quiet in between relationships, but because you start noticing that not everyone around you is doing the same work. You become more aware of patterns, cycles, and choices. Sometimes you want to pull others up with you, hoping they’ll experience the same freedom—but in the process, you can feel yourself getting weighed down. That tension between your growth and their resistance can leave you feeling misunderstood and isolated.

 
The Slipping Point

I often hear clients say, “I thought I had gotten past this, but then I slipped back.”
That slip-back doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re human.

Sometimes, the very lessons we’ve taught others—or even the boundaries we’ve been preaching to ourselves—get tested in ways we didn’t expect. One day you’re saying, “Never again,” and the next, you’re entertaining someone who doesn’t deserve your access. It’s not because you forgot your worth. It’s because loneliness and longing are powerful forces that can blur our vision.

We think we have it under control. We tell ourselves, “This time is different.” But if we’re honest, deep down we recognize the slipping long before anyone else does.

Why It Happens

Healing is not just about knowing what to do—it’s about practicing it when the test shows up. And tests don’t usually come when we’re strong; they come when we’re tired, vulnerable, or lonely.

Here’s what can make us slip:

Loneliness convinces us to settle. We start craving connection more than we crave alignment.
Old patterns feel comfortable. Even unhealthy habits can feel familiar, and familiarity can feel safe in the moment.
Growth gets heavy. Holding yourself accountable is exhausting, and sometimes we let our guard down.

From a mental health perspective, loneliness can actually activate the same areas of the brain as physical pain. That’s why the urge to go back to what’s familiar can feel so strong—it’s your brain looking for relief, even if that relief comes from an unhealthy place.

 
What To Remember

If you’ve found yourself slipping back into old patterns, take a breath. You are not starting over. You are not broken. And you are not the “wounded version” of yourself forever.

Every time you notice the slip and pause to reflect, you’re actually reinforcing your healing. Recognizing it is proof that the work has taken root in you—it’s still alive and shaping you.

Healing is not perfection. Healing is practice.

 
A Gentle Reflection

Ask yourself:

Where have I noticed myself slipping into old habits?
What unmet need was I trying to fill in that moment?
How can I meet that need in a healthier way next time?
And if shame starts to creep in, remind yourself: shame wants you stuck, but grace wants you growing.

Healing isn’t about never slipping again. It’s about catching yourself sooner, showing yourself compassion, and choosing differently the next time around.

So if you’ve been there—if you’ve felt yourself reverting to the version of you that you swore you left behind—you are not alone. This is part of the journey. And every return to yourself makes you stronger.

 
Want to Go Deeper?
You don’t have to figure this out alone. This is the kind of work therapy supports—unpacking the pull of old patterns, understanding the needs underneath, and practicing healthier ways to respond. If you’re ready, I’d love to walk alongside you in that process.

And if you want to begin reflecting on your own, my guided journal Boundaries Without Guilt was created to help you slow down, notice your patterns, and rebuild trust with yourself one day at a time.

Both therapy and journaling can be powerful tools to help you move from slipping back into old cycles to creating new, lasting ones.